For longer than I care to admit... I've felt like I've been drowning.
It's one thing to decline in one way or another, but it's another to just see everything pass before your eyes. Chances at happiness, chances at joy, chances to do something amazing and more than yourself. All the things you used to take for granted, disappearing before you like drops of water spinning a drain, and you're stuck with the plug in your hand.
Soon, you're diving into the water to stop if all from leaving. Your family gone, your friends disappearing, and soon your life as an artist... and you feel like you're drowning. The waves of depression wash over you more than you ever imagined, and it feels like instead of playing in the water you're stuck and can't get out.
You can feel it now. The waves are moving over more and more as you gasp for air. Periodically you're able to reach out and cry and the top of your lungs, "Please, help me! For the love of some God, help me!" More and more those cries get fainter, and more and more no one seems able to help.
Soon, you're alone, left with those horrible waves crashing over you as you sink deeper and deeper. The light feels like its disappearing and your heart starts to race. You can feel it, a horrible darkness, a horrible blackness, one that you've always sworn to fight against until you were ready for it.
The surface seems so far away, so close... and you're suffocating.